"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."
--Kahlil Gibran
I did not have a good time in the A. First off, my "sister" --and I use that term loosley because she's a selfish bitch that values outsiders over family-- went off with the rental car and didn't take my best friend and I anywhere we needed to go. I'm so done with my family. Instead of my mother letting her know that she was wrong for her actions, she proceeded to gossip with her instead.
That's part of the reason why I've been so depressed the past few days. I'm just overwhelmed with sadness, anger and regret. Being physically sick and depressed at the same time is not a good combination. Have you ever felt like you had no control over your life? Have you ever felt like a dark cloud is following you everywhere? From my music, to my career, to my family, and to my finances I am fucked. Something needs to change.
I don't think I've been trying as hard as I could in the past few days. Mentally I've kind of given up. I'm definitely stronger than I was five years ago when I tried to kill myself, but I feel like I'm getting weaker by the second. I can't even talk to anyone about it. I tried talking to this guy who claims he has feelings for me and do I know what he said? He said that this weakness I'm showing is not characteristic of me. He said I need to shake it off and remember who I am. I blame myself for his reaction. If I didn't play the "tough guy" role so often, people wouldn't expect me to be3 that way 24/7. As soon as I deviate from that role people inmediately shut me down. It's as if they're saying all I'm allowed to do is listen to their problems but I'm not allowed to talk about mine. I feel so alone.
0 comments:
Post a Comment