"...SILLY ME, WHY HAVEN'T I FOUND ANOTHER?"

"I could love you again, but I don't think I want to."
--Circle of Friends (film)

I am sooooo hating right now. I'm hating on everyone who was able to attend NBA All Star Weekend in Vegas. Basketball consumes so much of my life. When I'm not checking ESPN Mobile from my Sidekick or NBA.com, I'm on Paul Pierce's website. Gosh I love that man. As a player, of course **WINK WINK**.

He actually looks exactly like "Mr. Sensitive Thug Who Needs a Hug" MSTWNAH. I swear they are long lost brothers who have yet to find out. MSTWNAH happens to be extremely insecure and jealous of him because of me. I could write a book on everything that MSTWNAH does that gets on my nerves. He's such a whiny little bitch. I just want to shake him and tell him where to buy some balls but I've been mean enough to him in the past. Now is time for me to sit back and let him be the bad guy, which I have for the past 9 months. More about that another time.

Back to my hating. All Star Weekends of the past have given me some of my fondest memories in life. Picture it Sicily 19-...(don't act like you didn't watch Golden Girls too. Sophia was gangsta as a mug!) Anyhoo, let's play a little game. During All Star Weekends of the past have I:

a) beat Josh Smith in a free throw contest
b) been stalked by Dominique Wilkins
c) been fondled by Redman
d) All of the above

The answer is D!

Let me explain the Dominique Wilkins stalking thing though. Every year I attend All Star, I somehow manage to meet Dominique Wilkins in the airport when I'm arriving and departing. It never fails. It's like fate. If he was a few years younger and I was a few shades lighter we'd be soulmates...or future ex-spouses which is the more lucrative route anyhow. I mean on the real, I ain't saying I'm a gold digger BUT...just kidding. I've dealt with my share of broke asses. We all have, right ladies? Let me list the ones I can remember.

Mr. Broke Ass with Potential
The up and coming something or other (insert producer, rapper, or singer) who needs a new mpc, money to pay for studio time, a new jacket for a video shoot, a plane ticket to meet with a "dude" in LA who works for Interscope, etc. It's always something. But "don't worry babygirl" when he gets his deal he's gonna "take care of you". Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...

Mr. Broke Ass with Bad Luck
His car is in the shop, he just got fired from yet another job, he "lost" his ATM card, his roommate's friend stole his check, he's stranded out of town without his wallet, etc.

Mr. Broke Ass with a Degree
Thinks that he should be making 6 figures now that he has a degree so he won't settle for less...only, while he's waiting for his big check, he's making 0 figures...go figure. Guess he didn't major in mathematics or economics.

Mr. Broke Ass Athlete
He was supposed to go to the NBA, NFL or whatever but "didn't get drafted" (i.e. tried to go straight to the pros right after high school with limited skills) so now he won't get a job because he needs to spend all his time "practicing" (i.e. shooting hoops @ Rucker Park year round or playing Madden on PlayStation) for the next draft camp.

Mr. Broke Ass with Kids
Has a job but his wages are garnished for child support or his children ALWAYS need new sneakers...Jordans of course. Only the best for lil Ray Ray, Taquanita and Juan Carlos Jenkins. Wait a second, one of these munchkins doesn't belong...all together now Maury fans..."in the case of 2 year old Juan Carlos...Dantrell Jenkins, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!"

Mr. Broke Ass but Fresh 2 Def
My absolute favorite! He doesn't own a car, lives with his mother, doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't have a job, but he's always fly...I'm talking Gucci buckets, Prada kicks, True Religion jeans, Thomas Pink button ups, etc. One guess at who bought it?



There are so many others I could name. They all have a few things in common. They never pick up the check when you go out, they are always watching YOUR spending habits, they always want to "hold" something and they NEVER, I repeat NEVER pay you back. We swear after each time, that it's the last because we've "got our own bills to pay", but it never is. We ALWAYS give in when they come pleading to us. Why? It's not because the sex is the bomb (it is sometimes...when he wants something). And it's not because we really think we're getting our money back. It's because we NEED to be NEEDED. We fool ourselves into thinking that if he needs us, we are special because we can do for him what the next chick can't. WRONG! So fuckin wrong! You are just one of many "down ass chicks" he has in his life. He always needs more than one so that if you can't fulfill an instant need, he can count on her. I'm not saying that all men are like this, but the ones I described do exist. Some of them are even being raised by women who know what they are doing and condone it!

It makes me so angry to think about the time we waste on these fools. They make it so hard to trust the good ones. After dealing with so many broke asses I'm reluctant to even buy a Christmas present for a guy I'm dating. I feel like I'm playing myself if I come out of pocket for even the littlest thing. Past relationship baggage sure is a bitch.

Ok, so now that I've just gone way off topic, how on earth do I bring it back? Fuck it. I can't. I tried. 'Tis was a noble effort, but much like Nate Robinson at this year's dunk contest I was DENIED! No offense to Nate. The Knicks were my team but because of Paul Pierce (and because ya'll spent too many years sucking ass!!!), I now root for the men in Green (and Gerald Green). Sorry New York, I was a loyal fan for many many years but much like the broke asses I mentioned above...YOU GETS NO LOVE!

To quote my crazy abuela, Knicks deez nuts...haaaa get it nix and Knicks...I'm so witty, I'm so witty, I'm so witty and pretty and...corny and tired. Goodnight folks.